A difficult conversation is like going on a long drive to an unfamiliar destination.
You’ll face twists and turns. Sometimes, you’ll get diverted, or even lost.
It’s why (most of the time!) we pop our destination into a satnav. As a result, we’re only moments away from having our route recalibrated when we get stuck.
There’s a satnav for difficult conversations, too:
A clear goal.
Difficult conversations are emotional. And our emotions lead us up blind alleys and towards dead ends.
However, if you have a clear goal, you’re better equipped to recognise that you’re heading in the wrong direction…
Compassionate people set boundaries.
This can be a hard pill to swallow because many of us have been led to believe that telling people “no” is unkind.
However, the opposite is true.
The kindest thing you can do for yourself and for those around you is to say “no” when you need to. Doing so makes it clear to friends, family, and colleagues what is and isn’t acceptable.
If we don’t set boundaries, things get messy — fast!
Here’s why:
The importance of setting boundaries in personal and professional relationships
Without boundaries, we’re forced to say yes to everything. Once we get into the habit of this, we overcommit and…
“Seek first to understand then to be understood” — Steven Covey
Sometimes, listening is hard
Especially when we’re being told something we might not want to hear.
Our emotions take over, and our defences go up. Once this happens, it’s very hard (if not impossible) to take on board what’s said — no matter how true or valid. We internally scramble to find reasons for and justify why everything we’ve just heard is wrong.
This is why if you want someone to listen to you, you need to make them feel heard first.
Sounds counter-intuitive, doesn’t it?
After all, you’re…
Three tactics (and a bonus tip) to help you manage meltdowns at work, keep your cool, and have a conversation you’re proud of
Disagreement and conflict is a natural part of our working lives.
In fact, when managed well, it’s healthy.
But what about when it isn’t managed so well?
Those times when the situation provokes strong emotional reactions. Sometimes, your actions or your words (even when completely justified) will cause your colleague to have what can only be described as a meltdown.
When this happens, our fight or flight instinct takes over. Adrenaline floods our system. …
Would you believe that we’ve been working virtually for nearly 8 months now?
What was once a (sought after) novelty has become a staple feature of our working lives. For some, it’s been a dream, for others, a nightmare. But for most, it’s been somewhere in between.
Love it or loathe it, it’s undeniable that working virtually has made us all feel a little more distant than we’re used to. To be clear, this isn’t because anyone has done anything wrong. It’s just a by-product of the physical distance and inherent awkwardness of virtual communications platforms. …
What do lemons and conflict have in common?
Lemons are fascinating things.
These little yellow fruits are a sublime collection of contradictions.
Eat them raw or use them carelessly and they’re a bitter shock to the palate. But, when properly prepared and used in the right quantities, a squeeze of lemon will transform your dish into something special.
Now, you’re probably wondering what on earth lemons have to do with conflict. Yet, when you think about it, the parallels are clear.
Whether you like it or not, you’re going to come into conflict with other people at home or at…
Help your team implement their training.
Mike is getting on your nerves again. He won’t stop talking.
You’re trying to solve a tricky problem that’s made all the more fiendish by a troublesome internet connection that keeps disrupting your virtual meeting. Yet he keeps on steering the group chat towards his weekend antics and away from the critical task at hand.
You need to get a handle on this. The deadline is looming, and your team is barely halfway through the project. But your team is distracted, and vital information is getting lost in a stream of inane chatter.
A training session from a couple of…
When was the last time you disagreed at home? Perhaps with a spouse or partner, maybe your child or even a parent.
How did it make you feel?
Was it helpful or harmful?
Could you have handled it better?
Whilst conflict is never pleasant in the moment, it’s a crucial component of healthy relationships.
We put a lot of time and effort into working on our communication in the workplace. After all, teams that communicate well trust one another more and perform better. These important lessons we learn at work needn’t be forgotten when the clock strikes 5.30. …
It’s Friday. Deadline day.
Your team has been working on this project for weeks. It was a big win for your company and all eyes are on you to get it over the line.
It’s been tough, with more than a few late nights, early mornings and email exchange in the small hours.
You’re relieved that it’s all come together so well. The bulk of the work has been done and now it’s just a case of signing off some outstanding documents. You head into the office happy that you’re going to submit on time this afternoon.
An evening out…
Do you have a Greg?
Greg is a good guy. He works hard and does a good job. In fact, Greg is one of your top performers numbers-wise. If you weren’t his manager he’d probably be the sort of person you spent a fair bit of time with outside of work.
However, he also has a nasty habit of turning up late for work. Not hugely late. The odd ten, fifteen minutes here or there. Now, because Greg is a good employee, this is the sort of thing you might be tempted to overlook.
Angela
Passionate about helping people have difficult conversations with kindness and clarity that drive a change in behaviour and performance both at home and work.
